A list of answers you can use when ur stuck.

His professor sent him an e-mail the following day:

"Dear Michael,

Every year I attempt to boost my students’ final grades by giving them this relatively simple exam consisting of 100 True/False questions from only 3 chapters of material. For the past 20 years that I have taught Intro Communications 101 at this institution I have never once seen someone score below a 65 on this exam. Consequently, your score of a zero is the first in history and ultimately brought the entire class average down a whole 8 points.

There were two possible answer choices: A (True) and B (False). You chose C for all 100 questions in an obvious attempt to get lucky with a least a quarter of the answers. It’s as if you didn’t look at a single question. Unfortunately, this brings your final grade in this class to failing. See you next year!

May God have mercy on your soul.

Sincerely,
Professor William Turner

P.S. If all else fails, go with B from now on.
B is the new C"

Philosophy Exam - 1 hour

Q2. What is Courage? (50 marks)

Student's answer

- This is courage.

• Q: Name the four seasons.
• A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

- Presumably also the inspiration of Vivaldi (don't forget the Ketchup)

• Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be
  made safe to drink.
• A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

- (dead sheep could really block your tap)

• Q: What happens to your body as you age?
• A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
  

• Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
• A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

• Q; Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
• A: Premature death.

• Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
• A: Keep it in the cow.

(can't argue with that)

• Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
• A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

TECHNOLOGY

• Q: What is a turbine?
• A: Something an Arab wears on his head.

(to keep him cool in the desert ?)

Economics Jokes

Q:Why did God create economists ?

A:In order to make weather forecasters look good.

Q. What does an economist do?

A. A lot in the short run, which amounts to nothing in the long run.

TOP 8 REASONS TO STUDY ECONOMICS

1. You can talk about money without every having to make any.

2. Mick Jagger and Arnold Schwarzenegger both studied economics and look how they turned out.

3. When you are in the unemployment line, at least you will know why you are there.

4. If you rearrange the letters in "ECONOMICS", you get "COMIC NOSE".

5. Although ethics teaches that virtue is its own reward, in economics we get taught that reward is its own virtue.

6. When you get drunk, you can tell everyone that you are just researching the law of diminishing marginal utility.

7. You can't be wrong; only subject to an unexpected asymmetric shock.

8. An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.

~~~

The First Law of Economists: For every economist, there exists an equal and opposite economist.

The Second Law of Economists: They're both wrong.

~~~~

A party of economists was climbing in the Alps . After several hours they became hopelessly lost. One of them studied the map for some time, turning it up and down, sighting on distant landmarks, consulting his compass, and finally the sun.

Finally he said, ' OK see that big mountain over there?'

'Yes', answered the others eagerly.

'Well, according to the map, we're standing on top of it.'

~~

When Albert Einstein died, he met three New Zealanders in the queue outside the Pearly Gates. To pass the time, he asked what were their IQs. The first replied 190. "Wonderful," exclaimed Einstein. "We can discuss the contribution made by Ernest Rutherford to atomic physics and my theory of general relativity". The second answered 150. "Good," said Einstein. "I look forward to discussing the role of New Zealand's nuclear-free legislation in the quest for world peace". The third New Zealander mumbled 50. Einstein paused, and then asked, "So what is your forecast for the budget deficit next year?" (Adapted from Economist June 13th 1992, p. 71).

~~

Q: How many conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb?

A1: None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.

A2: None. If it really needed changing, market forces would have caused it to happen.

A3: None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.

A4. None. "There is no need to change the light bulb. All the conditions for illumination are in place.

A5. None, because, look! It's getting brighter! It's definitely getting brighter !!!